My lengthy absence from this blog has not been in vain; only the fruits of my sabbatical have appeared elsewhere, on Twitter. Since many of you don’t use Twitter (or even know what the hell Twitter is) I shall recreate the magic of my Twitter alter-ego, Doctor Feelbad, here for you now.
FYI Twitter is a messaging network that allows you to send out messages of 140 characters or less (incl. spaces & punctuation) that other people read in their newsfeed. You can “follow” friends and celebrities and read their tweets in your own newsfeed. People tweet jokes, social commentary, links to pictures and articles, etc.
The limited 140 character space is an interesting challenge for a writer. It puts the potency and scale of the jokes in a different light. Also important to know is the satirical news site, The Onion (click those red words to check it out). My “Doctor Feelbad” jokes are in that vein of satirical news headlines. IMO (In My Opinion) some of my tweets are profound, some silly, hopefully all funny.
So, enjoy the twisted psyche of Doctor Feelbad:
Pathetic Grown Man Uses Giant Sippy Cup; Calls It “Travel Mug”
Endless Feuds Preventing Liberals & Conservatives From Interbreeding; DNA Diverging Into Separate Species
Universal Poll: 34% of Aliens Believe Human Life Exists
Apple Announces New “iPad Maxi”; Weighs 240 lbs, Size of a Queen-Sized Bed
Nation Somehow Surviving Onslaught of Good-Hearted, Law-Abiding, Tax-Paying Gay Married Couples
Anthony Weiner Joins Toilet Inventor Thomas Crapper and Chubby N’Sync Member Joey Fatone on All-Time Most Unfortunate Ironic Names List
Dusty VHS Movies Displayed Alongside DVDs As If They’ll Ever Be Watched Again
Terrorists Sabotage Toilet Auto-Flush Sensors; Widespread Carnage at BBQ & Mexican Restaurants Nationwide
Formerly Despised Monday Mornings Now Considered Blissful Respite From Weekend Nag-a-Thon
Aliens Unfairly Stereotype Humans As “Mentally Inferior” Based On Just Two Hillbilly Abductions.
Misspelled Words on Internet Now Outnumber All Words Ever Written in Human History
Girl Who Inspired Hit Love Song Actually Creeped Out By It; “I’m his night & day? He dies when I leave? Um, get a life, psycho!”
Toddler’s Perception of Entire Universe Only About Size of Football Stadium
Man Puns & Winks His Way Thru Entire First Date; “Fork it over”, “A lot on your plate” & “Wine? Why-n not!” Among Numerous Offenses.
“Yes Man” Has 7 Kinds of Nods Including “The Puppy”, “The Squinter”, ” & “Sgt. Yessir!”
Trophy Wife Falls to 2nd Place as Man Wins New World Championship Trophy Wife
Man Witnesses IFO (Identified Flying Object): “It was a small plane, a Cessna or something. Who are you?”
Millions of UFO Enthusiasts Unfazed By Fact That “UFO” Does Not Mean “Alien Spacecraft”
Teenager Texts Grammatically-Correct Sentence; Recipient Baffled
Anthony Weiner Legally Changing Name to Less Mockable “Anthony Penis”
Man Tired of Pornography For Next 3 Hours
Tourist Visits Non-Touristy Spot Thus Creating New Touristy Spot
Bloodthirsty Online Gamer Slays Warriors & Dragons But Won’t Make Eye Contact With 98-Pound Supermarket Cashier
Filthy, Lying, Cheating No-Good Boyfriend Fixes Relationship With Expensive Gift
Psychic Regrets Being Unable to Predict or Hear Customer’s Fart
Royal Baby Already Being Called “Snooty” By Palace Guards; Has Jewel-Encrusted Pacifier & “Gorges On Breastmilk Like Henry VIII.”
Royal Fetus voted “Most Likely to Succeed” by fellow fetuses worldwide.
and that’s all for now. I’ll post more someday if anyone like this stuff (meaning they leave a comment showering me … err, with praise, mind you.)
Sincerely,
Doctor Feelbad
The Tall Truth 